I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize