it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
