North Korea, Best Korea!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize