Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You made out with two different species that night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
