She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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