I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
