Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 words: hood of his car
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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