My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
