its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We had sex on a dog bed..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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