i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
