It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
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