he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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