Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
