Non-Jews are for practice
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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