Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
