Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
