everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
