I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
