NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
