His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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