ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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