Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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