So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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