im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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