Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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