its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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