Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
