I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's get the cat blown out
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
