Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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