u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
