when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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