just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
