I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
