Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
