I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
