I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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