at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
