No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
