well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got inside last night via doggy door
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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