so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
