OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
