After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
