I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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