Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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