you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
