Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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