It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
