so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize