why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
