So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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