I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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