OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
