They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
