yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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