Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
